my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize