he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
