what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
