so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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