did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
