Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I want to have your abortion
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
