This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
