We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
