Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
