the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
