I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
