Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
