I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
