Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We left the knife in your bed.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
