Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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