just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
