I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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