A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
