There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
