Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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