I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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