well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
