i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
