smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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