So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize