I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
