It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
