I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
