drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize