I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
