we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
