Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
