You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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