thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
