1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
