We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize