We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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