My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
