I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
