Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
