Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize