quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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