she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
