she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
