It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
