life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
