Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
