elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
