I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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