nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
