when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
