Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
