im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
FUCK WHALES
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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