He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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