You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
