i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How many fucks given?
0.12846
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
