even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
