i just wanna soil my oats bro
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
