you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
