i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
