I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
