That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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