Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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