hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
