1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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