But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
