We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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