I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
