Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
