this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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