come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
