new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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